Fried Marquee Tables

Mooj penguin spotters

First of all, please take part in the forum poll on how good is Elwam_53. It is located under the title "Basically..."! (Sorry about the title and how misleading it is. But of course, first read the rules because we don't want to have to induce any temporary bans.

Secondly, the process of frying marquee tables is very ingenious, but nonetheless, extremely pointless. First of all, you must take a leaf from the rare gondola tree and then put one of these extremely strange and unfortunate leaves at the edge of a cliff and have one of those ridiculous ostrich looking ovens roll over it. The leaf should still be on the cliff now so you leave it and go fry a marquee table. In the abnormal case that the leaf sticks to the oven, run after it shouting "SQUAAARKLEDOBLEFLARGEN!" at it and diving at it until it stops and begins to make a clucking sound. It will then begin to transform itself into a thermometer and bury deep underground. Now the dreaded theory of mashed habits (see post 4) starts to come in and we shall all burn up in a giant ball of porous icicles.

Now I am here to make a prophecy. I am not a prophet. This will not be a real prophecy. It shall be all in the name of nature and humour. This shall be one of the strange and wonderful philosophy-related things I come up with on Friday morning at 9:33. *Clears throat.* This is it.
The man who looks to the crab-apple tree in the hope of glory and crab-apples shall be in vain, whereas the man who looks toward the great Pompadompa tree and shall sacrifice himself to save another world shall inadvertently find freedom, happiness and a leg. He shall also stop the danger that awaits the whole of the human race.
Now that prophecy may not have made a whole lot of sense- heck, I didn't mean it to, but it will explain the next bit of my story.

You see, six hundred years ago, there lived a king. He was an extremely selfish king and when a traveller came from far away, he sent the man away without second thought. But the traveller was no ordinary man. He carried in his hamper a froolfroog (a cross between a fish and a roolfroog) which immediately turned to clockwork whenever he touched its lips. This froolfroog was a female and had in its womb two eggs. The man conjured up whatever he wanted to give to the froolfroog until it had to go to the sacred birthing ground on its homeworld so they crept into their parked in the carriage park of the castle, punkrocking, blatant to even the naked eye from a mile away as a spaceship, spaceship. It was pink. With blue and bright yellow stripes. So they flew off to the planet Garlandandandandandandandandfish where mattresses reign supreme. The two babies were born but with a substantial difference to the mother. They were not froolfroogs. They were not even of a charted species. They were the children of the wonderful, sacred PM00starka (the P at the beginning is silent so it is pronounced May-ree-or-stay-relatively-ka) which was a great squid said to be in the bottom of the sand dunes of Garlandandandandandandandandfish. One of the children, just one, was said to bring balance to the fabric of everything. Wars raged over many faroff and close by lands. Garlandandandandandandandandfish was one of the few worlds that housed peace and tranquility. Whether it would stay like that, no-one knew, but one thing was for sure, one boy would bring balance. Squids are supposed to have eight legs. Even three-of-a-kind prophecied sacred ones. But the two boys, named Jarga and Miltin and also the long dead sacred one PM00starka or Roofing-And-Housing-Company had seven. And that is the cliffhanger I shall leave you with today.

You'll have to wait until next post to know what happens. And now I have a cat crawling all over the keyboard and me with muddy paws (Zoombini) so I shall cut this short.


Anyway bye until I post again.

THE FORUM

Mooj penguin spotters

Yeah. What Lombro said.

houston we have a forum

today will always be recognised as the day elwam got a forum. it's a bit of an eyesore, im afraid, but i'm sure itll turn out fine.

it can be found at http://elwam.myfreeforum.org.

[btw TP is ssstoggins and im admin, just so's u dont get confused.


anyway, onto the post

the humble rug. the opposite of the mantel piece. the refuge of see-saws. but now, we have a shocking secret about rugs. it is...(i'm not going to give it away that easily, you'll have to go on the forums(clever marketing technique there) to see rest of post.)

dave the shittiest flash eva!

yo man this the first flash we eva made. its shit, i know, but a firts try nevertheless. got blammed form NG with a score of... 0.1. try harder next time i think.

Apologies

Mooj penguin spotters

Friday, November 25th, 2005 is a day that will live in infamy. Our most recent post was on that day and I have come here to apologise for Lombro's terrible, awful language that he used. I mean "Cat turd". "Jelly babies". Come on. Let's get on the ball here Lombro and fix up your act. Also, your typing needs to improve. Basically, the last post was a post in which all of the laws of physics were defied! To be exact, I think that Lombro has started floating. It's really starting to creep me out. I mean, I thought I was the only person who could do that! This cruel unforgiving world has finally given the poor people in the galaxy Flogwinilogfuelatagorastanangly a lion.

Anyways bye until I post again.

P.S. Also, my apologies for any offence caused to Basset's, the manufacturor of jelly babies, in this last post. Whatever I said was strictly in the name of humour. We both love jelly babies and all the other products made by Basset's.

pianos

hi
i am here to explain the science behind pianos. They are in fact links to another dimension in which all laws of jelly babies are defied. but what are the laws of jelly babies, you may ask? well, they are simply pieces of mouldy cheese which are the remanents of an aincent galaxy spanning race.

piaonos contain the guardians of gwipapopolu, wheras grand pianos are made of cat turd. i hope you understand.

this was posted by a mad raving lunatic professor of numonologolicalsiphonicology at cambridge (a.k.a. max)

LOMBRO SPEAKS TO THE NATION

Actually yeh. I apologise for the bad performance of late and lack of humour in our recent posts. But seriously, i am so busy!
I mean-i can't handle a life ad keep this going. Cmon dudes! give me some space!

And back to me speaking to the nation (population: tire). As many of you may have noticed, the prime of our blogwriting was quite near the beginning of the cretion of elwam, when such gems as "pigeos utilize best in the snow" and who could forget the classic "the philosophy of mashed habits is complex, seeing as the extraordinary desire to eat cabbage overcomes one when studying thse peculiar objects." But after some nefariously difficulyt dancing, i hvae... COME UP WIT A USELESS LEGAL DISCLAIMER!

The information contained in this message may be stupid or even totally meaningless. It is intended only for the use of public showings. Any dissemination, copying, disclosure or use of this message or its contents is fine, but first, you hav to take the necessary measures-stand on one leg and shout "I am the queen of the monkeys". The views of The dude down the road may not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation or truth by My cat. If you have received this message in error, I don't actually care-go ruin someone else's life. Now piss off. You should understand and accept that, when communicating with us, (me being more than one person. oyeah and travis) by e-mail, it is not a totally secure communications medium, but it a totally secure one end of the spectrum. Although we have taken steps to ensure that this e-mail and attachments are complete bollocks, we would advise you to ensure they are indeed complete bollocks. We do not, to the extent permitted by my Mum, accept any liability (whether in contract, negligence or otherwise) for any mental instability and/or exothermic reactions of security guards and/or breach of confidentiality in relation to my uncle Bert sent by pigeon post.

Hols

Mooj penguin spotters

Just saying goodbye until wednesday. Going on holiday. Will post up pics when I get back (hopefully).

*sniff* Good *sniff* bye.

Sorry

Mooj penguin spotters

Whoa. I guess its been a while. I feel like, covered in cobwebs. Sorry 'bout that. I just needed time to get in touch with my roots. You know, working on websites, flash etc. I should probably pay more attention to this blog. That's it. As of now, I'm going to actually post often, even if its about whatever.

I also need to apologise about the lack of humour in our posts recently. Smadge- or should I say LOMBRO (jeez it's gonna take me ages to get that stuck in my head) are going to have to get together, do a little brainstorming. The magic has kinda burnt down a little bit and we need to re-light it. Anyways if you need entertainment and you are not looking at our blog- not that many people do (except anonymous) go to Home Star Runner if you want to see some great animation. I know its on the links bar but I just have to say it because it is definitely one of the best sites on the net.

Bye

cat mask lego funny

cat mask lego funny, originally uploaded by lombro.

all of the copyright stuff i'm supposed to say, like all rights reserved, etc. do I have to have permission for this image? please post an answer if this is illegal.

that pic

that picture was takewn dfrom stuffonmycat.com all rights reserved or whatever it is i'm supposed to say.

New leaf...

Yo all. ive decided to rethink my perspective on life. New username you might see- yes, it is still me. Also, my spelling has recovered from my last (awful) post. I'm sorry. The link was actually la-breeze.ill get straight to work on updating it's site-and giving it a total rehaul.. Also, we actually have someone who reads this! thank you, anonymous.. I have learnt a lot from lighting. Anyway, mysterious anon, what is your blogs address?
now im going to spend a few minues updating the links.

La Breeze

yo
thi si the loink fo rhalva-yo.blogspot.com-its changed

Addicting games

Mooj penguin spotters

I apologise to whoever already knows about this site but I've just got to advertise it. Clicky. It's great. Addicting games rules. Just one thing. It should be addictive games. I just have to point that out.

Anyways bye until I post again.

--------NUMBER THREE!--------

------------BROCCOLI HOLDS THE KEY-----------

PAGE MOVED!

Mooj penguin spotters,

No, don't worry, it is not this page that has been moved, but if you are new or old to this blog, the link in the post entitled "Illness and software writing" the page has been moved. You must now access it here. Please udate your favorites or bookmarks accordingly.

Anyways bye until I post again.

Everyday

Mooj penguin spotters,

I have been speaking to Smadge and we think we should probably start posting more on this blog- maybe everyday. Also one of the other reasons we haven't been posting is that we have run into problems (flash problems to be exact) on our "site-to-be"- in other words the flash site we have been working on for quite a while now.

So from now on I will post almost everyday.

Anyways bye until I post either this evening or tomorrow.

SECOND SECRET!!!!!! (It is finally here!!)

Mooj penguin spotters.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while- I've been sidetracked what with exams and all. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnyways I am now going to post the second eternal secret (which was uncovered after doing the second task (this story is getting quite close to the temple of Karashowth: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo exciting.))

The second task was to hack into the sacred computer console of Gargaroth (which I have to say, in spite of the INCREDIBLY advanced ancient security system, was pretty easy) to unlock the security fields over a couple of firearms crates, take grenades and rocket launchers and all the other crud we could find in there and simply blow our way through to the second secret.

Now we ran into some problems here because some crazed monkeys who had obviously been put in a room with a typewriter to write Shakespeare attacked us. Naturally seen as we had found DC 17m blaster rifles (just a little tribute to Star Wars: Republic Commando there (a brilliant game)) in the ammo crates, we just shot them all. And the uncovered second secret of enlightenment is that life is also nothing but strange beasts who host HUGE cocktail parties and then, when you cannot tell your face from your foot, they host meetings in which the main subject is so MEANINGLESS that you wake up from an extremely strange meditation and find that you are on some unknown planet somewhere in the vicinity of Strigel (a small galaxy about 688, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 light years away from earth) with no atmosphere and you are rapidly running out of air (that is really how smashed some people get.)

Anyways there it was, the eternal second secret of enlightenment. Bye until I post again.

NOOOOO

Ah.
Seems as if we have to do a task for every secret of life.
Ah.
Damn.
Be back soon-its travis's turn to post the secret...

THE FIRST SECRET OF THREE!

-----LIFE IS NOUGHT BUT A LOAD OF MEANINGLESS INCIDENTS KNOWN AS DECISION AND MEETINGS-----

Grabbing the Pigeons

Mooj penguin spotters

The pigeons utilize best in the snow but are also very purposeful in the hot summer. The pigeon faeces can be used in the base of the finest perfumes and it can also heal the wound of the dreaded bite of the glass door. But how can it heal the bit, I hear you ask? Well they carry a special chemical in their blood called Enzitholitholical Lithaoser. This carries haemoglobin which can be used to give a special type of blood. Enzitholitholical Lithaoser seeps in through the skin, finds it's way into the bloodstream, goes through the arteries to the heart, spreads through the body to find the poison and breaks it down and flushes it down through the bladder. Enzitholitholical Lithaoser is passed through the excretion process so whenever anyone tells you that pigeon poo is bad for you, murder them for me, please.

Anyways bye until I post again.

Ideas sequel with cliffhanger

mooj penguin spotters

If you look at the post titled: Iddeas (Smadge spelt it wrong) you will find the words "It better be worth it..." Well it was. Smadge and I both achieved enlightenment, we both used our toenails to open the key of the door to Karashowth and we discovered the shocking secret of life.

But you will have to wait 'til the next post to find out.

Anyways bye until I post again.

Follow that mongoose

Mooj penguin spotters

Following mongooses is an extreme hobby of mine and it has also turned into a living. But what is a mongoose, I hear you ask. Well, a mongoose is an extremely strange creature. Some people think that it is a cross between a monkey and a goose or even a moose but this is not so. It has a fourth eye, as opposed to the original three. it has four legs (which is one of the only normal things about it), sixteen thousand noses, each as red as the other and two tails.

But why do I follow these things for a living? Well, for one, it relaxes me. The other is to run from screaming footballs of doom and cabbages who have strange accusations for the truth of the midge bite. The midge bites to suck blood from creatures of inferior intelligence to gain clever DNA so that they can too get an education and finally be clever enough to take over the world. Of course, it's hard to believe that this has anything to do with following mongooses because I am running away from them but the mongooses lead me to the cabbages evil lair. So whilst I listen to them plotting and scheming I talk to the mongooses and I have found out that they shall assist me in my campaign to understand and destroy the cabbages which brings me back to following mongoose.

Anyways bye until I post again.

P.S. Follow that mongoose.

Iddeas

i was on gmail one day when my friend (travis perkins aka the glovinater) emailed me with a word. that word was--- SCROTHER! it holds meaning for many peoples lives, and it will help me on my search for enlightenment. I ony now need a jade pinapple and the magic golden bongo drums. Ten i go to the temple of doom and say uieofna.dnav boipfupoijfasjhdgaisu! and the i have a magic spear which i have to use to kill the mythical tin-hou-se to activarte a sequence of chain reactins, splitting the very fabric of 4-dimencional spacetime, and all to achieve on little persons enlightenment. it better be worth it.....


clams are shut and sharp

gravy indeed

GRAVY is GOOD and indeed really awesome and gm grown with turkeys on a yellow farm in the middle of a sand where i went peepee





SCHOOOOOLS OUT FOR YESTERDAY!
SCHOOOOOLS OUT FOR FLONGIGS!

New compys

Mooj penguin spotters

New compy yesterday. Tis a new one. Has the new HP chip inside and, as most people who have them know, they are pretty noisy. Managed to silence it though. Now it is pretty quiet. There's one that was bought ages ago (specially made so it is absolutely silent) which was relaying the server to things. Oh well this was a pretty random post.

Skondy. Craftantooblanastankerous!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekends

mooj penguin spotters

skondy is a cool word

mashed habits is cool as well

But weekends are the best

This is completely random

Anyway on with the story

when rugs are pointed towards the moon, reserrection occurs. For wierd freaks who call themselves magicians want to resserect the dead and turn their twisted weapon against the mankind of earth.

this was a short post

Goodbye